A mentor is an individual who:
- Is 21 years or older.
- Chooses to undertake a service activity: i.e. someone who is not coerced or compelled to do this activity.
- Is not a paid employee of the agency or faith group they represent.
- Is trained, supported and supervised by the collaborating community agency.
- Will be treated with respect by program staff, other volunteers, and returnees.
- Understands her/his role is not to counsel but to befriend; to “walk with.”
- Serves as a bridge back to community, and be a role model.
- If an ex-offender, is a least two years off paper.
- If chemically dependent, has two years of sobriety.
- Shares their faith journey appropriately.
- Assists Returnee in finding community faith resources that fit the individual’s needs and beliefs.
Characteristics of a Volunteer
A Well-Balanced Temperament - If you have to many problems, yourself, you may have trouble helping others. Don’t add to the anxiety of the Inmate/ Returnee by working out your own problems through them.
Dependability -
If you have taken on a particular commitment,
follow through. Remember that your friend has been let down too many times
already.
Trust - This is a sensitive and important issue to remember when relating to your friend. Inmates/returnees generally have learned to be suspicious of everyone. Your effectiveness depends upon an honest relationship. Do all you can within the boundaries of the mentor project to build a trusting relationship with your friend.
Perseverance - If your meetings are not going too well,
don’t quit. It sometimes takes a while for trusting relationships
to form. If difficulties arise don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Understanding - Try to be generally understanding, but don’t be naive. Appreciate a problem but don’t make it your own. This process is about empowerment of the inmate/returnee, not dependency.
Communication - Listen, share, laugh, talk, and act as if you would with a friend. If you have difficulties relating to your friend or if communication problems arise, please consult your Volunteer Coordinator.
Four Principles To Remember
1. Every person has a story: Like all of us, offenders need to feel heard and respected. Many of them have experienced crime, abuse, and chaos as children or in prison and they need a chance to express their own trauma and grief. In addition, their family, crime victim(s), and the community need opportunities to tell their stories.
2. Messiness is okay: Often offenders are returning to families, neighborhoods and relationships that are full of chaos and complexity,
CMNRP understands that it is not possible to “fix” all of the messiness but we try to help them to find strengths and assets in the reality of their lives as the are.
3. We “clear the path”: It is tempting to believe that we know what is best and to tell offenders what they must do to solve each problem they encounter. However, for there to be a long-term success
CMNRP has found that if we help them clear the path, offenders will find their own answers.
4. Hope is essential: By building and maintaining trusting relationships,
CMNRP staff and volunteers tries to keep hope alive even-especially-in the most hopeless situation. (Sometimes hope is all we have left!) Regardless of relapses or recidivism,
CMNRP program participants are welcome to come back for services for as long as needed.
Meet A Volunteer Mentor From CMNRP
-P.J. Connors, from Eden Valley, MN-
P.J. Connors and his wife Ann
I came to the Re-Entry Project in the spring of 08
mostly by accident. Accident or not it has turned out to be a wonderful
experience. Starting out is always difficult, two strangers meeting for
the first time in a jail visiting room with concrete and steel, glass an
inch thick. Me dressed in something I bought for myself him in county
orange. Just trying to make the other person feel comfortable and at ease
is vital. Building trust can not be over stressed. I came twice a month
which didn’t seem like much when I could see people every day. For him
it was bigger than I will ever know.
Dean the man I am a mentor for is a very good man. He
had reached a point where he just did not want to live as he had and was
ready to change. As the saying goes “they won’t care what you know
until they know that you care” caring is everything. At the same time
I’m not the lawyer, the landlord, the taxi driver, the counselor, the
banker or the mailman. I’m just a friend. Someone to stand with him and
give encouragement maybe a little advice but mostly to listen. No one
needs a mentor when they buying a new car or when their team is winning.
We can all handle that on our own. It’s the times when we are in pain or
confusion or feeling lost when we need someone to listen to us and help us
make good decisions. It was a privilege to be called early in the morning
and be asked to come and listen. To be trusted with things held deep
within.
I have come to know some of Dean’s family and he has
met members of our family. And so the circle gets bigger. I firmly believe
that the time we spend reaching out to others in need comes back many
times over and reaches people we will never know.
PJ Connors
CMNRP Mentor
"Never
doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the
world; indeed it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret
Mead
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